The SBPD paint ball war
by TFALokiwriter
Summary: It is the annual SBPD paintball war. A peak into what it is like normally for this even


"Gus, Gus,Gus!" Shawn said, repeatedly over the phone.

Gus was halfway out of bed with the phone to his ear.

"Shawn, do you know what time it is?" Gus asked.

"Five thirty-three AM." Shawn said.

"Good night, Shawn." Gus said.

"Gus, wait-" Shawn started to say.

Gus turned off his phone then put it back on the counter and returned to sleep. The phone started buzzing. Gus turned over putting a pillow over his head. The phone resumed buzzing. Then it stopped. And resumed buzzing. Gus mentally calculated the pattern to be a buzzing every two minutes. He wished the dark world of slumber would take him back in. Despite the noise. The pattern kept on until the phone fell off the counter landing square on the floor. The pillow crash landed on the other side of the bed. Gus bolted upright then looked over his bed to make sure it hadn't shattered into pieces. Thankfully the phone had not shattered into pieces. Yet, the phone was still buzzing.

On the screen read 'Shawn Spencer'.

Gus sighed, annoyed, then picked the phone up.

Gus pressed the green option then put the phone to his ear.

"What is it, Shawn?" Gus asked.

"It's that time of year!" Shawn said.

"You have to clean the office." Gus said.

"Not that!" Shawn said.

"There is another White Girls sequel?" Gus asked.

"Nah uh," Shawn said. "Paint Ball against the entire department."

Gus's eyes widened then shook his head and swayed his free left hand from side to side.

"No,no,no," Gus said. "I am always sacrificed in the first five minutes every year!" Gus sat on the edge of the bed slipping on his slippers. "I am not going to join, nah uh, not this time!"

"There is a new detective on Vick's team," Shawn said, casually. "I can give you her number if you join."

"You said that last year," Gus said. "I am not going to fall for that."

"No, really, there is a new detective," Shawn said. "And she is a total Pluto fan. She is twenty-eight, has two cats, likes pharmaceuticals, and enjoys rewatching movies made from the 80's. She hates high heels and prefers to wear flats. Oh, she will also be very obvious to pick out of the crowd due to her baldness. She is in remission from cancer and oh, she's gorgeous. And very white."

Shawn didn't say that before.

Gus had a momentary pause.

"What is her name?" Gus asked.

* * *

For three years, Shawn has been taking Gus along for the annual SBPD paint ball fight. The first two years Gus went on his own free will. The third year he had to be bribed. And this year, well, this is different. Lassiter and Juliet parked into the parking lot. Normally in the time span where there was a paintball fight, there was no murders called in or robberies or kidnappings or anything. It was like the entire world had decided to take a break from murder and chill out. Lassiter did not want Buzz McNab on his team, again, because he usually was the weak link who got the team defeated. Including his former partner Lucinda Barry. Then in came Shawn and Gus and Juliet. It turned out she was having a affair with someone in the department and so Chief Vick had to transfer her. All because Shawn 'divined' the relationship. Lassiter called dibs on the Psych duo believing they could change his luck around.

And they were.

They had defeated the department three times and this will be the fourth.

And Gus was the one to go first.

Every time.

Gus was their good luck charm.

Their sacrificial lamb.

"Are you ready to go up against the department?" Juliet asked.

Lassiter put the car into park mode in a parking space.

"I was born ready, O'Hara." Lassiter said, putting on his dark sunglasses then unbuckled his seatbelt.

If the sweet lady of justice were here, she would be able to note that there was a competitive atmosphere lingering around. Several cars, vans,and trucks parked into the empty spaces. If the lady of justice were a real person, that is. Juliet unbuckled herself. The two get out of the car simultaneously. Lassiter put the car keys into his pocket. Today was going to be the victorious day. Lassiter could taste it on the tip of his tongue of sweet victory. The doors to the red impala were closed by both partners.

Chief Vick had, just then, parked her vehicle in the background.

"Hey Lassie-face!" Shawn said, upon the arrival of the two partners coming in through the doors.

Lassiter took his sunglasses off to see that Shawn was geared up and so was Gus except they lacked the paint ball guns. Gus had on his usual cheery attitude and Shawn was sitting on the edge of the desk with his arms folded. They were in camouflage attire. They had their helmets over their heads complete with the torso protector, knee protectors, elbow protectors, and so on. In one of Gus's hands were a snickers bar halfway opened. There were was two paint ball guns on the table in between the row of chairs behind the two.

"Spencer," Lassiter said. "I did not expect you here so early."

"Gus wants to meet Barbara Daphne." Shawn said.

"Barbara Daphne?" Juliet asked.

"A detective recovering from Lung Cancer," Gus said. "She just recently returned to the force. She had been out of duty for a year."

Juliet appeared to be unsure.

"I don't know," Juliet said. "I would have known her if she was."

"Guster," Lassiter said. "You have been played."

"Shawn!" Gus said.

Shawn meekly shrugged.

"The spirits told me you had to come." Shawn said.

Vick came into the building followed by Mcnab and several members of the police department behind her. They went past Lassiter making comments going along the lines of 'We will rock you!', 'We will be the last one standing!', and 'You are going to lose, Lassiter!'. Shawn was sipping a drink with a pineapple design all around it sitting beside Gus who was munching on cheetoes. Where did they get snacks in the span of seconds? Then again, they were Shawn and Gus. Lassiter had a grimace on his face as did Juliet.

"Let's gear up." Lassiter said.

Lassiter and Juliet followed in the direction of the large crowd.

* * *

There were two teams set before the game began. Two bunkers. One of the bunkers were where Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, and Juliet are. They had just bolted into the bunker. Gus knew he could not back out of this because it is paintball. Gus wiped a bead of sweat off his eyebrow while pulling off a fearless attitude. It didn't help being in the corner of the room sitting down with Shawn. The first year Gus actually didn't get killed until six minutes into the game. Second year, Gus was killed five minutes in. Same went for the third year.

"I am brave, I am brave, I am the fearless Guster!" Gus said. "Nothing can take me down!"

"And I am your sidekick," Shawn said. "The Psychic-man."

"Yeeeaaah." Gus said.

Shawn solemnly gave Gus a fist bump then turned his attention in the direction of the Lassiet partners. Lassiet as in Lassie and Juliet. They were talking in very elaborate code which sounded a lot like baseball with sharp hand movement. They were referring to the other in codenames. Lassiter gestured over toward Shawn and Gus referring to them as Bat and Ball. The conversation momentarily brought Shawn back to the time that his dad was teaching him to throw a ball and ended up breaking a window because of it. The later attempts teaching Shawn to do elaborate baseball moves ended in failure. But Shawn seemingly had no problem with football.

"They are speaking in baseball code." Gus said, as he and Shawn had a 'whaaa?' reactions on their faces.

"Don't ever doubt the power of baseball," Shawn said. "It can bring outer space aliens down to Earth."

Gus turned his head in the direction of Shawn.

"Shawn, that episode was terrible," Gus said. "An alien turning human?"

"The _X-Files_ had a shaky era," Shawn said. "But it totally was good with the whole baseball love."

"Agreed." Gus said.

"Too bad the other actor for Arthur Dale was sick during filming," Shawn said, shaking his head in disappointment. "And did you see that episode for _Cold Case_ regarding the baseball player?"

Gus nodded.

"It was one of the best." Gus said.

Juliet sighed.

"Fine,Diehard." Juliet said.

Lassiter looked over in the direction of Shawn and Gus.

"We must send out our lamb." Lassiter said.

Juliet looked over in the direction of Gus, as well.

"I don't see a lamb." Gus said, looking both ways.

"He is referring to you." Shawn said.

"I am your mascot," Gus said. "Mascots cheer for their team! They don't die."

"I have heard it both ways." Lassiter said.

"No, you didn't, Lassie," Shawn said. "And that is _my_ line!"

Lassiter had a snicker at that.

"Who said it was yours?" Lassiter asked.

"You are our representative,Gus," Juliet said. "Part of a bigger plan."

Gus nodded.

"Right," Gus said. "I am the cutie who gets broken." He puffed his chest out getting up from the corner of the room picking up the paint ball gun. "Well not this time!" He slid the protective helmet over his face heading in the direction of the door. "I am fearless Gus! The version of Bumblebee who can speak! The brave German Shepard!"

"Go Gus!" Shawn cheered.

Gus went out the door.

"You want a piece of me?" Gus asked. "WELL, HERE IS A PIECE OF ME!"

Lassiter looked over his shoulder.

"Spencer," Lassiter said. "O'Hara and I are going use Gus's distraction, you are to be the back up."

"As usual." Shawn quirked.

"And if one of us is taken out,you have to watch the remaining other's six." Lassiter said.

Shawn put one hand on the side of his temple.

"I sense it will be. . . Pineapple Lassiter," Shawn shook his head lowering his hand. "The sounds of paint splattering is getting in the way of my divineness."

Lassiter frowned, then turned his head away.

"That is not going to happen on my watch." Juliet said.

"Let's move!" Lassiter said, putting the mask over his face as Juliet did.

The three moved out of the bunker hearing Gus's shouts ringing through the terrain. The large oak trees really gave the effect of a amazon forest. Not that they were in not a Santa Barbara cool and cozy yet comfortably awesome Florida like scenery. Shawn slid his helmet over his face. This game had the time limit of an hour but with Shawn around? This game was normally completed under forty-five minutes. Previously, before the three had came in, it had taken ten minutes for the department to defeat the original team. The original team being Lassiter,Lucinda,Mcnab,and Cassie Bender.

Cassie used to be the coroner until Woody replaced her.

Woody was on Chief Vick's team.

Shawn overheard Gus's high pitch girly scream from the background. There went his best buddy. Shawn ducked behind a tree that had split into two. He looked over to see that Lassiter and Juliet made hand signs. Some of which Shawn was familiar to. Then Lassiter and Juliet broke off separating into two directions similar to a fork in the road. Chief Vick's team went in with a well thought out plan. The positions, this year, was different from last year. Last year they took advantage of the rocky terrain while dressed up in dark gray attire to blend in. Shawn saw Woody crouching under a branch setting the paint ball rifle in his direction. Shawn ducked and rolled hearing a ball crash against a tree trunk.

"Sorry,buddy!" Shawn came to a pause, steadied himself, then fired at Woody's chest.

Woody landed back first on his back.

"Aw," Woody said. "I thought we were friends!"

"We still are," Shawn shouted. "I will bring some snacks for you next time we come!"

"I love M&M's!" Woody replied.

Shawn dodged a shot from Mcnab.

"Sorry, Shawn!" Mcnab hollered back.

Shawn fired at the sound of Mcnab's voice.

"Thank you for making it easier!" Shawn replied, followed by a thud.

Woody went to the sidelines followed by Mcnab who had his shoulders sulking. Woody talked about a story he had from the Coronor League. The sidelines were on a hill that overlooked the scenery and had a broad view allowing eliminated players a view of what was going on save for the bunkers. They couldn't see what was going on inside the bunkers. On the hill rested several tables with chairs across from a lunch-bar. Our scene transferred over to Lassiter who was charging like a General in the direction of easily three opponents. They shared a surprised reaction then took aim and prepared to fire turning away from their hiding spots. **Splat! Splat! Splat!** Lassiter went past the eliminated opponents. There was a grin on the detective's face as there were groans heard behind him.

"Good job, O'Hara!" Lassiter said, as Juliet had arrived appearing to be pleased of herself.

"As did you, partner." O'Hara said.

The two shared a fist bump as Shawn took down another member of the SBPD from overhead. Gus was watching the scene unfold using his binoculars catching Shawn lingering in the background. Gus's hands were trembling. He should be there with Shawn to make sure that his friend didn't get a paintball that took him out of the game. Shawn was a good shooter. Henry taught Shawn how to shoot when he was thirteen in under any scenario. Shawn was crazy prepared by Henry. Most of the lessons came in handy during their cases and in which case at one point finding a abducted Shawn by two men who had tipped over a icecream truck using their truck.

Shawn ducked under a fallen tree narrowly missing a paint ball shot.

"Go team!" Mcnab hollered, waving a small SBPD flag in the air.

"Go Shawn!" Gus cheered, from the sidelines.

"This year we are going to win." Mcnab said.

"I would like to see that happen." Gus said.

"You will," Mcnab said. "In 3 seconds."

Gus raised an eyebrow.

"Lassie!" Shawn shouted.

Gus raised the binoculars up and put them to his eyes leaning forward.

Lassiter began to slowly fall to the ground, dramatically for effect, first with his knees going forward towards the ground. There was green and yellow splatters on Lassiter's backside. Both of Gus's eyebrows rose up. That was a first. Lassiter never, ever, got eliminated in the game. Mcnab folded his arms. Woody was watching Chief Vick (or at least attempting to find her with his small pair of binoculars) very carefully. Then Lassiter fell on his side. Gus darted his attention from Lassiter to Shawn who seemed unusually angry. Gus lowered his eyebrows returning his attention to Lassiter. They were team 1, and the department was team 2. Gus sat at the team 1 table marked 'team one' in the middle on a white sheet of paper taped to the wooden surface.

Lassiter was lying there, faking death spasms, and talking.

"I knew his method acting would strand him one of these days." Gus said.

Gus put the binoculars on the table including his paint ball rifle then darted after Lassiter's direction. As Gus came closer and closer, he could hear Lassiter's voice complimenting himself in the third person. Gus ducked the paint ball shots some of which by leaping. Gus leaped landing square behind a tree then scrambled up and pressed his back against the bark of the tree. Gus could feel his adrenaline going his veins. Sweat dripped down his skin.

". . . Was a good man," Lassiter continued, his voice carried in the air. "And a fantastic strategist. He was loved and adored even hated by his enemies." Gus looked over the corner of the tree to see Lassiter five feet away in the middle of the forest. "Coach Willis Diehard was in love with himself, and most importantly, he shoved those who loved him away so they wouldn't be there when he self-destructed or lost a fight he could not win."

Gus took a deep breath then darted after Lassiter.

"And here he is wasted away," Lassiter went on. "Alone."

Gus had a girly scream dodging paint ball after paint ball as Lassiter faked a afterdeath spasm. Gus slid down missing Lassiter using his chest armor as a means of transport making a clear path that wasn't full of dead leaves. Gus looked in both directions then made his way to Lassiter. Lassiter did another spasm. Gus was irked by the performance but grabbed Lassiter by the collar of the paint ball armor then proceeded to drag him back to the sidelines. Lassiter had a strong grip around the trigger of the paint ball gun. Gus looked over his shoulder, wary, hearing not a crack or a splat.

Gus resumed his trek up the hill.

Lassiter was so dead weight.

Tomorrow, Gus was likely to get a sore shoulder from dragging Lassiter.

The rest of the SBPD had probably regrouped to plan out their way to take down Shawn and Juliet.

* * *

Chief Vick and her small squad of men and women arrived to the brooke. The rest of the department were in hiding around the scenery firmly in place and their paint ball guns were on the elevated surface or on the tree trunks in disguise with mud on the side of their faces and green paint on their faces. She expected Shawn and Juliet to make their way to her team's bunker and wildly shoot in all directions and epically fail losing to them. It was the perfect plan, Vick figured, taking down the psychic and the other detective. Simply standing around spread out provided the perfect ambush.

 **Splat!**

"Chief, I am out!"

 **Splat!**

"Oh god, so am I." Another detective went.

 **Splat!**

"Retreat!" Vick said.

The rest of the department fled on foot heading toward their bunker. Chief Vick was the first to be shot down. Vick came to a stop leaning against the tree panting. She saw that two moving figures stealthy moving among the scenery. The first one started running after the men. The second one had a slow but steady pace that began to accelerate. Oh no, her plan just flopped. Right, Detective Lassiter's team had the psychic. She should have expected that. But she did not. Shawn's gift did not appear to be used in the game for the past four years. It was almost nonexistent.

"That is for my Lassie!" Came Shawn's voice.

 **Splat!**

Vick made her way to the sidelines hearing the sounds of paintballs breaking against the treebark, boulder, and armor.

"Shawn, wait up!" O'Hara shouted, her figure darting after the man.

Within ten minutes Vick came to her team's table. Lassiter was on the bench seemingly at rest, or at least he appeared to be. Gus put down the bottle of water onto the table with a loud smack startling the detective bolting up. Lassiter's alert stoic face turned into a smile. Juliet was doing him good with Shawn watching her six. Lassiter has assumed that Juliet was doing the shooting with Shawn doing the protecting.

"How does it feel to be taken out by my partner, Chief?" Lassiter asked.

"Not pleasant." Vick said.

"Shawn is taking out most of the team." Woody said.

"What?" Lassiter said, picking up the nearest pair of binoculars and raised it to his eyes.

"Go Shawn!" Gus cheered.

"I should have known he turned around the 'watch your six'." Lassiter said.

Minutes trickled by but it felt like time was not passing to the growing group on the sidelines. Lassiter leaned forward watching the two taking out Vick's team one by one. One of the detectives was covered in paint ball after coming out of their hiding place from a boulder. The detective wiped off his helmet then looked down and noticed several splatters of colors namely being blue,green, and yellow. The detective sighed then headed in the direction of the sidelines. Shawn and Juliet lowered their pace then hid behind two trees. They used hand sign to communicate while the last of Team 2, being 2 detectives,inside team two's bunker.

"Been a long time since we had two against two." Vick said.

"Four years." Lassiter said, lowering the binoculars.

"What happened last time?" Woody asked.

"Lassiter took out most of the team except for me and detective Leonard Huccaby," Vick said, as Huccaby was sharing a drink with a buddy from across. "Lassiter and Lucinda were the last members of the team to be standing. It was easy to shoot them down."

"Just like this time," Lassiter said. "I went down with a fight."

"With a ten minute long eulogy to himself." Vick said.

"It was five minutes." Lassiter said.

"Felt like ten!" Huccaby said.

"And Lucinda was the one who surrendered." Mcnab said.

Lassiter raised the binoculars, once again, and then a smile grew on his face.

"That's my team." Lassiter said.

Lassiter's smile broke into a grin witnessing team 2 being defeated.

* * *

"I am going with Lassie to the firing range!" Shawn announced, searching his desk in the Psych office for something in particular.

Gus's chair fell over with a thud.

"Gus?" Shawn said, looking over to see his stunned friend on the floor with a raised eyebrow.

Gus propped the chair up.

"You are going to the firing range with Lassiter?" Gus asked.

"Yes." Shawn said.

"Is Lassiter okay?" Gus asked.

"Yes." Shawn said.

"Where is the real Shawn Spencer and what did you do with him?" Gus said, folding his arms looking at Shawn rather strangely.

Shawn laughed.

"Since I took out most of the chief's team Lassie asked me to go to the firing range with him." Shawn said.

"'Oh god, you are dating him!" Gus said, then he covered his mouth.

"I am not," Shawn said. "We are just friends."

"Doing something that you both like is considerably dating." Gus said.

"This is Lassie we are talking about," Shawn said, picking up a perfume then sprayed it on himself. It had the label of Pineapple flavor. "And why would he want to be dating right after he has just divorced?" He put the pineapple perfume into the drawer. "That is plain illogical."

"And you don't care about logic." Gus said.

"Well, now I do," Shawn said. "I care about Lassie's well being."

"I am thinking something happened with Drimmer you won't talk about." Gus said.

"Nothing happened," Shawn said. "I told you everything. We are just. . . friends. Besides, I tell you everything, Gus."

Gus paused, then he nodded.

"That you do." Gus said.

Shawn came over to Gus's desk.

"If we were dating I would have told you," Shawn said. "I never keep secrets from you."

"Even telling me your nightmares." Gus said.

"You do that to me." Shawn said.

"That is understandable." Gus said.

"Of course it is," Shawn said. "That is what best friends are for."

"Let's make ourselves a deal," Gus said. "If you date Lassiter then you must tell me. Give me all the gory and dirty details how you hooked up, what happened afterwards, and whether or not you will date. If you don't, but resume the usual friendship you share with him to the end of your life then I will have my obituary say 'I was with the UST psychic and detective'."

Shawn looked at Gus oddly.

"What is UST?" Shawn asked.

"Unresolved sexual tension." Gus said.

"Oh," Shawn said. "Wait, we don't have UST!"

"You share passing glowing attractive glances at the other when the other is not looking." Gus said. "You, at one point, took Lassie by the hand and took him out of a firefight."

"Gee, I thought he was you." Shawn said.

"Shawn, I was catching up on my beauty sleep from the bunch of cats you ordered to my house." Gus said. "I was sleeping in the blueberry. And I was only awakened by Lassiter's complaints that you were taking him out of his duty. And I can recall that Juliet had a bleeding shoulder. I was the one who called back up for Lassiter while you drove all the way to the hospital as Lassiter kept pressure on Juliet's shoulder. That was a scary day."

"Well, the police were there when we arrived." Shawn said.

"And besides all the passes you have made to Juliet and Lassiter." Gus said.

"Good point. But if I don't have a relationship with Lassie then that is not to be in your obituary." Shawn said

"I plan to be cremated." Gus said.

"Then so will I!" Shawn said.

"In the ocean." Gus said.

"Then so will I." Shawn said.

"You just don't want me to be alone." Gus said.

"It is highly likely that we will both die at the same time because we are connected by the hip," Shawn said. "And I accept your deal."

Shawn held his hand out.

"Deal." Gus said, shaking Shawn's hand.

Their handshake ended then Shawn left the Psych office, and he came to see Lassiter's vehicle parked alongside the sidewalk. Gus lowered one piece of the blind to see Lassiter open one car door in a romantic way and his jaw dropped. That jaw dropping was brief when Gus saw Lassiter chase one black cat and one brown cat out of the car from the passenger side. The black one hissed back at Lassiter extending its claws briefly but turned away following after the brown cat. The romantic feeling went away as it happened. Shawn's laughter was overheard. Lassiter mouthed back "I did not open that door for you." toward Shawn returning to the driver side. The pair of cats disappeared the corner of the street.

Shawn only smiled then got into the car.

"Damn cats." Lassiter said, getting into the car.

Shawn buckled himself up.

"Gus thinks we have Unresolved sexual tension." Shawn said.

Lassiter looked bewildered.

"What does he think we have?" Lasstier asked. "Insaneritis?"

"Exactly my reaction," Shawn said. "I love him but his mind goes places that it shouldn't."

Lassiter closed the door then buckled himself.

"Excuse the cat smell," Lassiter said. "Someone from the losing team put cats in my car."

Shawn spotted a nametag on the floor that read Leonard Huccaby then he put one hand on the side of his right temple.

"I am sensing it was . . Lenny . . Leonara. . . A detective. . Leonard.. ."

"Leonard Hofstadter?" Lassiter asked.

"No, but close." Shawn said.

"Leonard Huccaby?" Lassiter asked.

"Yes!" Shawn said.

"I am going to kill him." Lassiter said.

"Or make him clean your car." Shawn said.

"That would be easier." Lassiter said, starting up the car.

The silver car headed down the road.

"Meow." Came a kitten's meow.

There was a moments pause as we backed our view behind the car.

"You forgot one, Lassie." Shawn said.

 **The End.**


End file.
